你不是真正的快乐

人群中哭着 你只想变成透明的颜色

你再也不会梦或痛或心动了

你已经决定了 你已经决定了

你静静忍着 紧紧把昨天在拳心握着

而回忆越是甜就是越伤人

越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割

你不是真正的快乐

你的笑只是你穿的保护色

你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了

把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了 于是你合群的一起笑了

当生存是规则 不是你的选择

于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着

你不是真正的快乐

你的笑只是你穿的保护色

你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了

把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐

你的伤从不肯完全的愈合

我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河

难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了 然后才后悔着

你不是真正的快乐

你的笑只是你穿的保护色

你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了

把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐

你的伤从不肯完全的愈合

我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河

难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了

你值得真正的快乐

你应该脱下你穿的保护色

为什么失去了 还要被惩罚呢

能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻

重新开始活着

今天在吃着早餐的当儿，我如常地边吃边认真地在听着歌。最让我记忆深刻的一首歌“你不是真正的快乐”，心中莫名地开始思考起来。不知道为什么近来发生很多事，在我身边所关心的朋友也感染这“感冒”。我在想为什么大家都在带着一面面具，为什么大家不妨一起好好地坐下分享彼此的困扰，好让大家一起分担。对，我们应该自立地解决难题，但并不是每件事。与其把问题收在心里，不如讲出来，好让心里没那么难受独自地扛。何谓知心朋友？！我们不应只分享好事而应分享与分担一切。随着时间的流逝，我们不知不觉也跟着改变。最真实的自己究竟在哪里，最真实的你究竟在哪里，我不断在告诉自己必须打开心门接受一切。虽然接受的过程是如此难受，但到了接受那刻才发现事情并不是想象的那么糟。我曾跟自己说过，无论代价有多少，只要为值得你为他付出的人做出改变与牺牲都是值得的。这并不是愚蠢，而是真情。我们不能确保每个人都能乐意接受，但只要对得起良知就足够了。朋友们，是时候出来了，别在隐藏自己了，别再害怕一切一切。生命应该是不断充满挑战的。对于处在少年期的自己，有时还觉得自己很野蛮很固执，为什么一直阻止别人改变原本的自己而从未想过改变他们的因素呢！我想经过昨天认真思考与分析过，我已有所领悟了。我应以最理智与坦诚地接受一切一切。黑暗的不远处一定会有光明，甚至比我们想象的更美好。（亚也）说得对，我们不应活在过去，而该做一些在我们能力范围的事就可以了。一切坏的那面一定也会有好的一面，我们总是碰墙后才会知道痛，因此我们应更珍惜值得我们留恋珍惜的一切。。

Repression month

Finally finish my third final exam in university. I’m a person who have exam phobia. I don’t know why every time having exam sure something happen. This semester is the worst one, I lost someone I love and I lost myself. I was very scared and tired to face it. I try my best to repress all the problems. This is the only way I can face my final exam. Everyday I try my best to smile and act nothing, if I really can’t do it; I will escape to facing others. Dinosaurs, I’m really sorry.

In this repression process, I’m really touching to see someone worry me. This person knows I facing serious problem, she felt guilty when she saw my down mood but she can’t help me. Definitely this person is my roommate. It is because she stays with me, so she can see my real mood in room. She always try her best to help me, she try her best “kei poh” on me. She is the only person know I’m repress myself. She try her best cheer me up, she remind me a lot of things although she has poor memory. She also is the only person can understand what I trying to express. I’m really touching for what you did for me, you no need care whether got help me solve my problem or not. It’s not your responsibility and you still don’t have that ability. I really appreciate what you did for me, that caring is good enough for me. Don’t forget your roommate- me, got her own power. I can handle, just give me time.

Thank you very much, my assistant- Spike. I will try and try the best for everything. I’m very lucky have you as my assistant. Thanks again. Wish you all the best for everything.

Firefly

I think everyone know what firefly is. Firefly is my representative insect in my life.

I think I really like a firefly. You know why?!! Haha..
Firefly is small and hard to find it for nowadays. Besides that, firefly only wills bright the light at the dark place. If you see firefly at bright place, sure you will say it’s only an ugly insect. I’m just like firefly, only give my caring for someone I care and those need it. Some people may think it’s nothing. But for me, it’s really means for me. I like to cheer people up. I like to give caring for others although will get hurt. I’m really stupid, right?! I never feel regret be this character in my life. I really hope I can totally like firefly. I hope I can like firefly has a short and meaningful life. I will continue bring brightness for someone in the “dark” place before I leave this world. I hope for those I really care can understand, this is me “ May Peng”. Please, don’t blame me and make any mistaken on me. Try to understand me; try to see my real feeling. I only hope you guys can appreciate what I did. If you think I’m silly or annoying and you really no need me please just let me know and don’t hurt me. Sometimes my heart really feels tired and scared. I don’t want lose myself; I don’t want lost my heart. I’m just a little firefly, I’m weak but I want be strong in my life. I’m not like the others animals got their own self-defense skills. Firefly really cans bright your life, although it only can bring little light. But its nature light, it’s really come from heart. And I’m really cares and worry you guys. Let me go in your heart and don’t hide yourself anymore. Firefly got insight ability that why sometime she will act weird and sensitive. I'm not powerful but I will try the best.

New member for dinosaurs’ family—Chomper

Finally I can introduce this new member in my dearest dinosaurs’ family--- Chomper.

Chomper is very outgoing, and he is always willing to go on an adventure with his friends. He tries to please his friends as much as possible, and thus is prone to being taken advantage of. He shows fierce loyalty to his friends, and he often openly exclaims his friendship even to those who intimidate him. He is also quite naive, though not quite to the extent of some of the others, such as Ducky or Petrie, and he easily believes what he is told. He is also known to panic easily, particularly when there is risk of someone seeking to harm him. He often feels sensitive about his size. Despite all this, he has a very kind heart, and is most often seen singing the song Feel So Happy in the television series, reflecting his good nature.

Chomper for this century is a girl, but the personality still quite similar.. Ma Lee, welcome to join this warmest dinosaur’s family and hold on together with us. :)

My holiday life

End semester break---- LONG and long…. Around 2 months.
I’m the one not really like holiday. Holiday will make me think a lot.

This time my holiday life is very different compare with last time. My holiday life was just busy in working. I felt lucky to get the chance work at there. I learn a lot; besides teaching I learn good values and some knowledge. One of my boss is a strong positive thinking person, He always encourage us tend to positive way. He likes lecturing us.

One night he lecturing us again, some of he talks makes me felt touched. From there, I realize I really tired already, I already forget what happy is. I start wondering a lot, if I suddenly change something, izit all the people I care can accept my changing. But I also will try to change something, because I want create magic in my life. I want let the people I care feel it too. I hope they can understand. I need to put down something already, I can’t care too much. If not it will influence my performance.

For those are understand me and care me, I’m really sorry if I hurt you before. Maybe sometimes my over caring for you will burden you. I really tired already, I scared my heart can’t handle too much. The only right way I should choose is love myself first. I need to find my own happiness first just can from my happiness bring my caring and loving for you all.

I knew some of you think I’m stupid, coz I never think myself first. Don’t worry; I will try to find out my own happiness. Thanks a lot for someone change my world a lot. I appreciate it all the times.

Meaningless/ Meaningful Life

LIFE!! How to explain?? Everyone have different perception on life.. For me, life is full of challenge, get hurt; love; caring and ……. Around 21 years of my life, full of sadness and happiness. Although sadness more than happiness, but it’s good for me to grow up. When I felt down, life really meaningless for me, and no one can give the answer I want. –sigh- That’s all because of my thinking, I keep locking my heart and stubborn. That’s why I can’t find the answer I looking for.

I get lose from my weird thinking and stubborn attitude. Life really meaningless, why I can’t satisfy what I had done and what I get in my hand?! Why I keep thinking my life is meaningless?! Why I want escape life?! Why I so stupid and not appreciate at all?! Actually I really tried hard for my meaningless life, I tried to stand up when I face problems… But feel tired already when my life keeps occurring problems. I no qualified to live, really no.. Should I give up?!!

NO!! Absolutely NO!! Life is just like a piece of paper. At first we get a blank paper and that paper is full of words and pictures at the end of ours life. That paper can reflect what we get in ours life is. That paper is not just has one color but is colorful. Life is like the colorful paper full of happiness and sadness. We learn from ours mistake and problems. The important of life is depend on ours thinking and heart. Don’t give up easily; don’t just always stand one side to face problem, problem can be flexible; don’t scared problem, problem can bring you up.

If we don’t have someone we care or someone care us, life would be more meaningless. Everyone needs caring from others, (SYMBIOSIS); if you hope others care and love you, you should do first, and we should open ours heart to accept and really giving caring. Don’t care too much; don’t expect what can get back when we pay out. Try to imagine if you just expect get caring from others and you no do anything. Someone care you and want share your feeling but you lock your heart. Can you get real caring or not? Can you feel what is real or not? I just can say that life is meaningless. 21st century, I felt disappointed for people’s heart, majority are selfish, just know bring benefit for himself/herself. –sigh- really disappointed. What’s type of heart!! Bloody(*).. My heart really pain for that situation. I hate people use others, I hate some people hurt the people I care. Anyway, I just accept and try my best to change it and protect people I care. Life is live in symbiosis situation, we need to care and appreciate others.

Life is unpredicted; we can’t predict what happen on next second. We don’t know when we leave. Don’t always complain life or something we don’t like. Don’t hold negative thinking in life, forget sadness and appreciate what we have (especially ours family and people we love and care). “Nothing is impossible, the important is just believe”. I really hope people I care have happy and meaningful life.. Bless you all!! Thanks God!!

“Special” Trip—(KuKup)

This is my last memory in semester2.

3rd & 4th of May 2009, me and a small group of coursemate had organized a trip to Kukup. ( :( less 3 members)

At first, I just thought Kukup is a simple fishing village. But there was not just a simple fishing village. For me, there was a special place, I’d enjoy at there. At there can felt natural things, can hear natural sound… beautiful sky, really beautiful… comfortable wind… and so on…

This is a view I enjoy to contemplate something. Through the sea and other natural things, I can think a lot and flashback a lot (happy and sad moment with someone, life, future and so on). I’m sorry sister and who else had worry me on that time. I felt down on that time, really sorry. Luckily I can cheer up after that moment. I feel my emotional feeling is really terrible and lost a lot of happiness. Anyway, because of someone and my future, I’ll try my best to control it.

I think Kukup is a suitable place for family or a group of friends to relax and enhance relationship between each other.